20 Jun 4 Strategies to Help You Navigate a Difficult Boss
Regardless of how smoothly the interview process goes, it’s often impossible to fully understand what you’re getting into when starting a new job and working with a new manager. If you find yourself working for a boss with some difficult or even toxic behaviors, here are four key strategies I recommend to my coaching clients to minimize the stress of working with this type of leader.
Assert and Manage Your Boundaries. Many of us are wired (for better or worse) to want to please others, especially our bosses. Focus on delivering value and results for the organization, even if it doesn’t align with your boss’s preferences. Take the lead in managing expectations and deadlines, and proactively communicate your availability. An example of this is letting your boss know that you won’t be available to respond to emails after a certain time of the day or evening. Another example would be gaining agreement on key deliverables prior to going on vacation so it is understood what can wait until you get back. No one can truly relax and recharge if they are plugged in to work 24/7 and no manager, no matter how senior they are to the company, should expect their team to always be available for work.
Develop Empathy Towards Your Difficult Boss. This is probably the most challenging of all the strategies you can try but trust me when I say that it is the one that will help you grow and will save your “sanity” in the long run. Developing empathy towards a difficult boss can significantly improve your work experience and interactions. Understanding that your boss’s challenging behavior may stem from stress, personal issues, a lack of training or a poor evaluation of his or her talents can help you view them more compassionately. However, that DOES NOT mean that you should be disrespected by anyone in the workplace. If your boss is truly being abusive, report it to their senior leader or HR. If he or she is just impatient, overly direct, or poor listeners, it is likely not about you. This perspective can foster patience and open the door to more effective communication and collaboration, ultimately creating a more harmonious and productive work environment.
Intensify Your Self-Care Routine. One of the most important ways to ensure we are always at our best is to maintain a systematic and non-negotiable self-care routine. The problem is that most of us have difficulty sticking with our routines and plans. When a person is experiencing elevated levels of stress, such as interacting with a negative individual, the body releases higher amounts of stress hormones, such as cortisol, which over extended periods of time can cause other health related issues. Therefore, it is crucial to increase the frequency of breaks, mindfulness practices, moderate exercise, laughter, etc., to counterbalance the effects of stress. At minimum, we should aim to have a good morning routine and a wind-down routine at night that includes at a couple of the following types of activities based on your preferences: stretching or some other form of movement or exercise, journaling, guided meditation or mindfulness practice, reading, drinking something healthy or listening to music you enjoy.
Document everything. Where there is smoke, there is often fire. If your boss or colleague exhibits toxic behaviors, be sure to save emails, take screen shots of online chat conversations that went south, and take detailed notes on their actions and verbal statements, including agreements about workflows and deadlines. That way you will have documented proof of the person’s behavior towards you, and if the issue gets worse and you are asked to provide evidence of a problematic trend, you will have it available to produce immediately.
Working for a difficult boss can build resilience, but each person must balance their tolerance level with the benefits of staying versus leaving. In these situations, I recommend writing down all the advantages you’re gaining from this position and organization, as well as everything you’re sacrificing by staying. If the advantages outweigh the short-term costs to your personal life and career, you may be able to stay for a period of time while you work on Plan B, such as seeking another position. If you find yourself unmotivated, underperforming, constantly watching your back, guarding your words, and it is impacting your overall quality of life, it may be time to accelerate a departure plan. But please do try to share feedback with your HR department and officially report any bullying or inappropriate behavior. Most organizations have policies that protect the workforce from retaliation, and it is the right thing to do so that disruptors can be dealt with and addressed. If you are truly “stuck” and unsure of how to navigate your personal situation, seek a trusted mentor or coach that can objectively guide you through that decision making process. No job is worth sacrificing your mental or physical health for.